Love Uncertainty

".......I love you."

        They were standing at the top of the same hill their group used to meet.Actually their gang had five...but that day somehow he managed to be alone with her.They were classmates.

        She looked sharply at him..trying to find if he was kidding..but didn't find any clues.Then she said,"So this is the reason nobody else came today..the others know this ...right?"

        He said,"no...nobody even knows we met now....I was in love with you since we met..confirmed it so many times before telling you. I know most of your likes and dislikes.I like both of them."

        "what do you know of me?"

        "You are very special in some respects ...you like greenery the most when it is raining.you enjoy small moments....like you feel amazed writing a date with same date-month-year on your notes...you are innocent in such small things..you like your parents a lot..this is not just like all the others.some of the others feel 'responsible', some not even that, but you feel like 'you want to be responsible for them'..you can't even think they will ever make a mistake...you don't believe in God, still you pretend you believe...but I strongly guess you have your own definitions for Godliness rather than God...may be, I guess you think innocence as Godliness...Am I correct? "

        She didn’t answer.He stopped, took a deep breath and continued," you think so many times before starting some new work and also delay it testing whether you have the passion steadily....you enjoy light music than rock and old films than the new ones.In that case, I should say you are a little old fashioned..may be tomorrow in case you agree to my proposal, you might not come with me to disco..rather take me to a temple...but thats fine. I like all these..except one thing."

        She unconsciously said, "What?"

        He smiled and said," You will spend at least half an hour every morning before the mirror.Of course it adds to your beauty..but somehow after knowing this, my enjoyment in it decreased."

        "Hmm..anyways..I want to say 'no'. What if I said that?"

        "Do you know what I like the most in you...your innocence.I learnt it form you.Innocence induces uncertainty. If you say no, I will be just try to be uncertain. Uncertainty has hope.I just hope.I hope you will come one day for me.I shall pave a way for you to come and wait silently.Before I learnt this from you, I had a feeling of insecurity, whether you will love me or not..I didn't even want to propose for that reason..but now..I have hope instead..even if you say no...I just feel like a small child waiting for his mother to buy him sweet but she doesn't as he had caught cold."

        "So, you don't stop doing your work and be thinking of me..do you?"

        "No I won't..you also don't like me doing that..do you?"

        "But how long will you wait?"

        "for my life...of course..for your love..not for marriage..I love you and I love marrying you and leading a life with you, but if you don't accept now, I have some responsibilities and needs, I may marry someone else. If on someday, you come to me, I will still be loving you..may not be eligible for marriage though."

        "How can I believe in you?You say you love me..and are ready to get married to someone else..Won't you have the same feelings on them as you have on me now?Even if you say no..how can be someone sure?"

        "I said I would have some responsibilities for them..may be I would like them..but i don't think I can love any other person like this.And of course, I would pretend I love them..I shall provide the best I could...you didn't know me loving you until I myself told..i don't think they can know me not loving them. how can I make you sure about it? I don't know...I am saying these words from my heart..I think that's enough to be sure."

        The Sun was falling down, surroundings becoming cool, the nature was silent to hear what she says.

        There was a large silence and he couldn't withstand it.He said,"Please think about this seriously today.Tomorrow come here if you accept and if you don't, nobody will ever know of this.Anyways, this is our last year for our college, and I think I can manage this year being just a friend." He started walking silently.

        Next day, he came to the hill, saw someone at the top but couldn't recognize.He started climbing with a hope that it was her.He was still climbing..he was uncertain.

The Road That Never ends

Disclaimer

      The characters and events in the story are purely fictious.Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidential.  

The Road That Never Ends

        “If I was alive after that moment,I wouldn’t come there alone again…………………..”

         

          I was eight.We used to live in a small village.My dad was a worker in a factory.His was a night duty.It started at 6 in the evening. Every night at 8, mom and I used to go to him to give him  dinner.It was a 5 mile to and fro walk.I used to enjoy it a lot as she used to tell me many stories while walking.The path was not totally dark but it was almost empty.

           That day, mom was  ill.She prepared food and got ready to go.I told her I would go alone that night as she needed some rest.She refused but after a little conversation she accepted.I was really happy that I was of some help to my mom.But I didn’t expect at the moment that I was going to experience the scariest situation in my life.

            We came out of the house .She looked at the path.It was straight,long and somewhere at the end of it was the flood light of the factory.I told her,”I will come back in an hour mom.Don’t worry.Take rest”.She kissed on my forehead .I smiled and started my journey.

           Though I was proud that I can be of some practical help to my parents, I was a little afraid too.While going to the factory, there was absolutely no problem. There were people here and there.The streetlights seemed to be happy for helping my effort by showing me the way.There were dark patches along the road between consecutive lights.I was a little afraid when going into the dark, but was confident enough that I would reach the next light soon.I reached the factory in half an hour.

           My father saw me and was astonished.I could see relief and happiness in his face.He knew mom was ill and thought she would come inspite of it.He didn’t expect me.Thats what I wanted.I wanted to see unexpected  joy in my parents.Its worth doing anything.He said,” My son, I am very glad to see you here.How is mom now?”

           “Dad, she’s  totally fine.Just a little cold and fever ....I told her not to come.She is taking rest at home.By the time you come home, she will be totally alright.”

           “You did the right thing, son. Here , go and buy some chocolates with this.”He gave me two coins, one was 20 paise and the other 10 paise.I was extremely happy , not because of the money but his happiness.I secured the two coins in my pocket,bade goodbye and started back.

            For some time, I walked peacefully thinking of the incidents that happened.My heart was filled with pride.Suddenly, I heard a large bang from somewhere inside the trees from my leftside.I was shocked.I got no clue what was it.I was frightened but still kept walking.The path was totally empty.I increased my speed.Then for the first time in my life, I heard that sound, clearly , breaking the silence.It was like the sound of friction of small child’s footwear on ground.I turned back.There wasn’t anybody.I was little frightened.I knew I was almost midway through.For a moment I thought of going back to my father but I decided to head home.I started walking fast.This time I was clearly hearing that noise and it was very close.I was terrified.It seemed like someone was just behind me and wanted to get hold of me.I saw back…NO ONE.I saw on the sides.The streetlights were looking sad and were like saying sorry.I felt the darkness on the path between the streetlights  increasing.I looked back..NO ONE. But I could hear it….closely,clearly…..like a small CREECH…..Oh God, I wanted to be home.I was running.I could hear my own heartbeat but more than that …that sound.It was ringing in my ears.I felt a little pain first in my stomach and then in my heart.I couldn’t stop.If I stop……..I couldn’t imagine what would happen to me.I was running.I saw into the trees at sides.They were all like men with many hands and fierce faces….they wanted to catch me by waving hands.I unconsciously stopped looking to my right.I was shocked that somebody was there behind the trees.I could see the shaded figure.I recognised that figure as a small girl.I heard a few days back, a girl drowned in the river.I was terrified.I cried loudly,”HELP….HELP”.She was laughing.She was coming to me.It was just that she was in darkness but there was just a few feet distance between us.It was as if, she was about to come out of the trees and pull me into them.My ears were blocked due to heavy running.My heartbeat was atleast a 10 time faster.But I WANTED TO LIVE.I started running again.This time, even SHE was coming faster.I could hear faster sounds.I could hear laughs and cries from among the trees.I thought I was dead.I didn’t look back.I was running for life.I fell once or twice,but didn’t stop.SHE was coming behind me.She was crying for sometime, laughing for sometime.But I could hear the constant footsteps. I could see some shadows coming out of the trees. I begged GOD for life.I was totally helpless.I was like a man with just one choice to live…..TO RUN.I could hear the sounds,voices and ,mainly the footsteps.

           At last, I could see a little light at a distance.Thats my home.I will be back home if I manage a little distance.I got confidence.I started running faster.I  almost won.It was just 10 feet distance from my home.A stone hit my leg.I FELL.I saw back and thought I was OVER.I couldn’t breath easily.I cried loudly,”Mom…..mom…Come out….Please…..”.I didn’t expect that but mom came out just after my first cry.I was astonished.She was having high fever and couldn’t even walk.But she came out. I thought,” WOW.Thanks mom..”I saw back.SHE was gone.I thought,”Mom,You are the greatest of all mothers. I  live just because of you.”

         I was still gasping for breath.Mom was asking. I just put my small hands around her, closed my eyes and held her tightly as if nothing can take me away from her and even if it can,my mom would take care of it and I don’t need to bother.I was not able to speak anything.She made me sit down , waited for me to calm down.

        I was sitting in her lap and told her everything that happened.She heard quietly.She said, “Son, there is nothing as such as that small girl.You just imagined that.What did you hear  first?”

     “A large bang.”

     “It was because of the some ripen fruits falling from trees.It is the season for that.”

     “But I heard foot step sounds on the ground.It became faster as I ran faster.”

       She thought for a while and asked,”Where are the coins that papa gave?”.I showed my pocket and took them out .She said,”It was these coins that made that sound.”

       I rubbed those coins.Yes..It was the same noise.She smiled and I too joined.I felt like being happy after a hundred years.She kissed me and said,”Whenever you feel afraid this time,just remember me.I will be watching your back.Nothing can do anything to you until I am there.”

         I nodded and thought,”Oh God,I never understood when my mom told that.But its true. The problems lie in us and even the solutions.And Yes mom, I believe strongly that you will be there supporting me wherever I go ”

        

The Sound of Sorry

       “The things go clear for the rest of your life. Its a problem free…. Philosophy…………..Hakuna Matata…..”The song was coming from somewhere in the city, just noticeable. Its one of my favourite songs.

         It was morning time and I was sitting in a chair in a corridor in the hospital.  As I didn’t have enough sleep for three days, my eyes were burning.But I didn’t care about it.The only thing I was thinking was about my father and his words. He was admitted for some surgery in that hospital.Mom said I was too young to know the details.But I was sure of one thing.It was a serious surgery and my father was kept under observation for 4 days.

         Four days before, I was doing some work in my home and mom got a call.It seems the plane that father was travelling in ,met with some accident and he was admitted to a hospital.We started to the hospital.It had been 5 years since I saw my father.I remember lastly he being on my sixth birthday.When we were driving,it was like a trip to me where I went to some relative in holidays,nothing more severe than that. But after I came to the hospital, I was touched with his condition.

           In the first two days,he couldnot even move.The third day,he could move a little ,but couldn’t talk and wanted me and mom to be with him.We sat beside him and I told him all the good happened in the last 5 years as mom suggested.I could see some happiness in his face that I didn’t see in the last two days.  

            I alone happened to be together with him for sometime in the early morning on the day of operation. I saw him. He was trembling. My eyes were filled with tears.I couldn’t see him like that.He looked at me,straight into my eyes and slowly tried to raise his hand.It was shaking.I at once ran to him.He took my arm in his hands and I could feel the warmth and tremble.He slowly released my hand and closed his eyes.I thought he wanted to talk to me, but couldn’t do that.I slowly grabbed his arms into mine and told.”Dad,everything is gonna be alright.You will be ok soon…………..Do you want me to bring anything?”

          He said in a low voice ,”There’s an envelope  in my left pocket. Take it. Promise me that you will take care of mom.”

          I was astonished.This was the first time in my life that he asked me for a promise.A promise didn’t mean much for him.If he promised us for a film an evening,which was very occasional ,it mostly ended up being us waiting in the hall.I told him firmly,”I promise.”

         Then they gave him some anaesthetic and said we all should go out of the room.I came out and sat in a chair in the corridor.I didn’t see mom and didn’t think much about it.It was an awful situation.-a situation into which I wish no one should get in.Inside was my father,fighting death.They told me it would take 2 hours for the operation.I opened the envelope.It was a letter.

         “Dear son, I am sorry….very sorry.I have never been a good father.You all loved me a lot.But I took it more for need than love.I thought you needed me and thats why you loved.May be this was due to my successful entrepreneurship. But I was wrong.Unfortunately,I knew this at the end of my life.I knew this from you and your mom in the hospital,yourself serving me all the time.I knew it from your tears filled eyes.

          Am sorry son, I should have given myself a chance to know you before.I should have looked straight into your eyes when we were together,when you asked me to bring something,when you were angry at me,when you got some prize and was showing it to me.I didn’t care your feelings.I now know it hurts a lot son…..am sorry.

          For the last four days, I have been in hospital.I thought this would be the most boring part in my life.The first day,I saw you worried a lot and thought you were acting…….(Please believe, I am crying at this moment ,while writing this). But eventually you convinced me.I thought…’poor kid..he is really worried.’Then the concern you showed changed me totally,,my son.I didn’t expect that. Business was almost my whole life.I now think I should have given a bigger room for human emotions.

         The next three days are the most beautiful days in my life.Whenever I got a little pain, you and you mother came running to me, and I can see into your innocent eyes filled with water.They are beautiful, son, worth a hundred million…no…much more than that.I cursed myself so many times for missing this my whole life.

          These three days, I didn’t know time running.I have always been thinking of you and your mother, the small moments we were together.You are the most beautiful child I have ever seen,my son.   Until I realized, I thought you would miss me if I died.No son, I will miss you …really miss you. I don’t want to die,son..I don’t want to miss my family anymore.If I could get through this, I promise you that I will be a good father.This time I really don’t break the promises.Believe me.I will be together with you and mom.I will tell you stories that you asked me.I will take you out in the evenings.I will play with you.I will guide you in your problems.I promise I won’t leave you.We will be a team.

            But, Will you forgive me, son?Please, forgive me. Please ask me to buy small things you want?Please ask me to do your homework.Ask me more for you.Tell me what you don’t like in me. I’ll change.Please ask me more to do for you.

         Now my heart feels better as if some load is decreased. Take care of yourself and mom.Hope that I will get a chance to correct my mistake.Good bye,son.Wish you all the best in whichever way you go.

                                                                                                 -Your loving dad.”      

          I was crying…..started crying louder.Mom came and asked me....tried taking the letter from me….but I held it firmly between my hands and heart.I was begging God …Please let my father live….Please…

          I cried for the two hours…simply cried….then we saw the doctors coming out of the operation theatre.We ran to them.While I was running, there were thousand thoughts in my head..it was like running a thousand mile…I tried to figure out the result from their faces.They were normal.I didn’t get anything.Finally we reached them.

          Mom asked them.I held my breath.They said,”He is fine now….you can see him…….”They were talking something else….I didn’t hear…my heart was filled with joy….the greatest joy ever.I told myself,       “The things go clear for the rest of your life.Its a problem free… Philosophy..”

(Enjoyed the story? Many have asked whether this is a real story.No.This is a complete fiction.Thank you very much for reading and I would be very glad to receive your comments - Chaitanya)