The Sound of Sorry

       “The things go clear for the rest of your life. Its a problem free…. Philosophy…………..Hakuna Matata…..”The song was coming from somewhere in the city, just noticeable. Its one of my favourite songs.

         It was morning time and I was sitting in a chair in a corridor in the hospital.  As I didn’t have enough sleep for three days, my eyes were burning.But I didn’t care about it.The only thing I was thinking was about my father and his words. He was admitted for some surgery in that hospital.Mom said I was too young to know the details.But I was sure of one thing.It was a serious surgery and my father was kept under observation for 4 days.

         Four days before, I was doing some work in my home and mom got a call.It seems the plane that father was travelling in ,met with some accident and he was admitted to a hospital.We started to the hospital.It had been 5 years since I saw my father.I remember lastly he being on my sixth birthday.When we were driving,it was like a trip to me where I went to some relative in holidays,nothing more severe than that. But after I came to the hospital, I was touched with his condition.

           In the first two days,he couldnot even move.The third day,he could move a little ,but couldn’t talk and wanted me and mom to be with him.We sat beside him and I told him all the good happened in the last 5 years as mom suggested.I could see some happiness in his face that I didn’t see in the last two days.  

            I alone happened to be together with him for sometime in the early morning on the day of operation. I saw him. He was trembling. My eyes were filled with tears.I couldn’t see him like that.He looked at me,straight into my eyes and slowly tried to raise his hand.It was shaking.I at once ran to him.He took my arm in his hands and I could feel the warmth and tremble.He slowly released my hand and closed his eyes.I thought he wanted to talk to me, but couldn’t do that.I slowly grabbed his arms into mine and told.”Dad,everything is gonna be alright.You will be ok soon…………..Do you want me to bring anything?”

          He said in a low voice ,”There’s an envelope  in my left pocket. Take it. Promise me that you will take care of mom.”

          I was astonished.This was the first time in my life that he asked me for a promise.A promise didn’t mean much for him.If he promised us for a film an evening,which was very occasional ,it mostly ended up being us waiting in the hall.I told him firmly,”I promise.”

         Then they gave him some anaesthetic and said we all should go out of the room.I came out and sat in a chair in the corridor.I didn’t see mom and didn’t think much about it.It was an awful situation.-a situation into which I wish no one should get in.Inside was my father,fighting death.They told me it would take 2 hours for the operation.I opened the envelope.It was a letter.

         “Dear son, I am sorry….very sorry.I have never been a good father.You all loved me a lot.But I took it more for need than love.I thought you needed me and thats why you loved.May be this was due to my successful entrepreneurship. But I was wrong.Unfortunately,I knew this at the end of my life.I knew this from you and your mom in the hospital,yourself serving me all the time.I knew it from your tears filled eyes.

          Am sorry son, I should have given myself a chance to know you before.I should have looked straight into your eyes when we were together,when you asked me to bring something,when you were angry at me,when you got some prize and was showing it to me.I didn’t care your feelings.I now know it hurts a lot son…..am sorry.

          For the last four days, I have been in hospital.I thought this would be the most boring part in my life.The first day,I saw you worried a lot and thought you were acting…….(Please believe, I am crying at this moment ,while writing this). But eventually you convinced me.I thought…’poor kid..he is really worried.’Then the concern you showed changed me totally,,my son.I didn’t expect that. Business was almost my whole life.I now think I should have given a bigger room for human emotions.

         The next three days are the most beautiful days in my life.Whenever I got a little pain, you and you mother came running to me, and I can see into your innocent eyes filled with water.They are beautiful, son, worth a hundred million…no…much more than that.I cursed myself so many times for missing this my whole life.

          These three days, I didn’t know time running.I have always been thinking of you and your mother, the small moments we were together.You are the most beautiful child I have ever seen,my son.   Until I realized, I thought you would miss me if I died.No son, I will miss you …really miss you. I don’t want to die,son..I don’t want to miss my family anymore.If I could get through this, I promise you that I will be a good father.This time I really don’t break the promises.Believe me.I will be together with you and mom.I will tell you stories that you asked me.I will take you out in the evenings.I will play with you.I will guide you in your problems.I promise I won’t leave you.We will be a team.

            But, Will you forgive me, son?Please, forgive me. Please ask me to buy small things you want?Please ask me to do your homework.Ask me more for you.Tell me what you don’t like in me. I’ll change.Please ask me more to do for you.

         Now my heart feels better as if some load is decreased. Take care of yourself and mom.Hope that I will get a chance to correct my mistake.Good bye,son.Wish you all the best in whichever way you go.

                                                                                                 -Your loving dad.”      

          I was crying…..started crying louder.Mom came and asked me....tried taking the letter from me….but I held it firmly between my hands and heart.I was begging God …Please let my father live….Please…

          I cried for the two hours…simply cried….then we saw the doctors coming out of the operation theatre.We ran to them.While I was running, there were thousand thoughts in my head..it was like running a thousand mile…I tried to figure out the result from their faces.They were normal.I didn’t get anything.Finally we reached them.

          Mom asked them.I held my breath.They said,”He is fine now….you can see him…….”They were talking something else….I didn’t hear…my heart was filled with joy….the greatest joy ever.I told myself,       “The things go clear for the rest of your life.Its a problem free… Philosophy..”

(Enjoyed the story? Many have asked whether this is a real story.No.This is a complete fiction.Thank you very much for reading and I would be very glad to receive your comments - Chaitanya)